Working hard and playing hard that was my motto. I was working a 9-5 secretarial, assistant job, living in Sydney and spending all my money on rent, fashion and champagne. Having a family was something I always wanted however was is the distant future. I was young and still unsure what I wanted to do with my life and with my career. My partner and I just moved into our own apartment having previously been living and sharing with his sister. We were completely in love (and are still to this day). We had spoken about kids and that we both wanted a family however having a child so soon into our relationship wasn’t something that was planned. At this stage we had only been together for 10 months and I was 21 and Lionel was 25.
I remember the day like it was yesterday. we had both just finished work and were on our way to the grocery store when Mr leans over to me and asks “Babe, when are you on your period?” I said to him, I think it will be here soon. I have been having cramps, so I know they are coming? See at that stage I didn’t have a regular cycle, I was a bit all over the place and we were careful so being pregnant didn’t even cross my mind. He then said to me, I think you should get a test. What? A pregnancy test? I said. “Yes” He said. No way Babe, there is no way I am pregnant! (I said) You calling me fat?! I said. NO babe, not at all! He said, I just think you should get one just to be sure, you have been acting weird and really tiered lately. He said. That is stupid, there is no way I am pregnant and I have been cramping for days and my boobs are sore so I know they are coming but whatever. I said. By this stage I was feeling moody and annoyed, All I was thinking about was, He thinks I am fat? I must be fat if he thinks I am pregnant? Am I not sexy anymore? OMG he isn’t attracted to me anymore! Do I look bloated? Maybe it is what I am wearing? OMG I knew I shouldn’t have worn this skirt today! Yep that’s all the things that were going on in my head. not thinking back to when I last had my period or that a few weeks ago we had a “really” drunken fun night breaking in our new apartment and we may or may not have been using protection because I was too drunk to remember!
Whatever I thought, if he wants to get a test, we will get a test and I will prove to him that I am not pregnant.
So we went to the store, got our groceries for dinner and bought a pregnancy test. After that we went home and started getting organised for dinner. “Go and do the test babe while I do this”. Mr said. “Okay, Okay” I said. In a mood, I went to the bathroom and peed on the stick. This is bullshit I thought. I know I am getting my period. I know my body better than he does. I thought. But then I looked down, looked down at the little pink and white pen like stick that I just peed on and as clear as day two pink lines appeared.
My heart stopped, I quickly grabbed the instructions to make sure I did it right (Yes, I know peeing on a stick is not that hard) but I was so confused. I quickly put the cap on the test washed my hands and composed myself. I looked at myself in the mirror and was complete and utterly in shock. Mr called out to me. “Babe is everything okay?” in that moment I was not sure. I loved Lionel with all my heart that’s all I knew. I knew that everything we did was together and that he would be by myside with whatever came our way but having a baby was something we discussed, and we wanted later on not right now. How was he going to react? Will he want us to keep the baby? Will he not want us to keep the baby? Will he leave me if I want to keep the baby? Will I be a single mum? Am I able to be a mum? Will I be a good mum? Am I too young to be a mum? I looked again at the test to make sure that the two pink lines were still there and that I had allowed enough time for the test. It’s 99.9% accurate It said on the packet. Oh, shit I AM pregnant. I am really pregnant! I said to myself.
I opened the bathroom door and walked down to the step to our kitchen wear Lionel was cooking. In that moment time stood still. I watched him while he washed the greens in the sink. How in love I am with this man I thought… Me and him, our life, our love, I don’t want this fairy-tale to end.
He then turned around and with a worried face asked me if I was okay? I didn’t say a word. I didn’t know what to say. I passed him the test and sat on the step patiently waiting for his response, for his disappointment, for him to tell me I was too young, or we were too young to have a baby. He then said “Oh Shit. Babe you’re pregnant”. I immediately put my face in my hands and started balling my eyes out. I am so sorry I said. I understand if you don’t want to be with me anymore. He said “What, “What are you talking about? “Why would I not want to be with you anymore? Whatever you want to do I am with you”. He said. “We have talked about having children he said, why not have them now?” He said. I so knew you were pregnant!
In that moment if I wasn’t in shock before, I was completely in shock now! After a big kiss and a cuddle from Mr, he continued to cook, and I sat in silence for a moment coming to terms with the fact that I was pregnant.
While we ate we sat and discussed being pregnant, having a baby and all that it entails. I know that we needed to go to the Dr to make sure and have a blood test but the thought and knowing that I had another being growing inside me overwhelmed me. Lionel and I discussed an abortion however was something that we decided against and didn't want. I knew that having his babies was something that I dreamed about and yes, the timing was not perfect, we didn’t have our life put together, savings or a home that we owned we were still busy partying it up and falling pregnant was not something that we at all planned. All I knew was I loved him with all my heart and it filled my heart knowing that we had a little miracle growing inside me and what a blessing it was.
After we went to Dr to confirm that was it. My man and I were on a new journey of parenthood and all the anxiety and fear that may have been was overcome completely with love and excitement.
The partying stopped, the drinking and smoking stopped, the just thinking of myself stopped. I was going to be a Mum one of the biggest blessings and rewarding experiences of my life was about to unfold.